Today’s Leadership Lesson is brought to us by Ryan Zempel. This is Part 7 of the Fall Semester Leadership Lesson Series, Repair and Remodeling. We believe that when it comes to making disciples, creating community, and doing ministry, there is always some assembly required. In the spring, we talked about laying a solid foundation. In the summer, we talked about principles of community construction. This semester, we will talk about how to identify and respond to problem areas. Every structure comes to a place where it requires repair and remodeling.
Repair and remodeling require careful skill. Today, we talk about how to respond to a group member when they confess sin.
Okay, suppose you’re doing a good job leading a group, building relationships among the group members, people seem to be growing closer to God, and everything seems to be going swimmingly when suddenly – WHAMMO! – one of your group members (or even your co-leader) confesses that they are struggling with a secret sin. Now what do you do?
Well, for starters, the headline of this post is NOT the suggested response. 
First off, it’s important to recognize that confession of sin is a GOOD THING. You shouldn’t assume your group is under some sort of spiritual attack. One of the aims of many of our small groups is (or should be) to create a safe environment where people can grow closer to God. Well, growing closer to God often involves the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the need to repent of sin. If someone’s confessing, it means you’ve done a good job leading your group and you should give yourself a pat on the back (okay, you can actually give God the credit, but you get the point).
So what sort of sins am I talking about? Well, I’m not referring to the “Oops! I messed up and said a bad word today.” I’m referring to serious sin patterns in people’s lives that they’ve been convicted of and that they need to deal with. This can also include secret sins that people have been silently struggling with for years.
“I’m addicted to pornography.”
“I’m anorexic.”
“I’m sleeping with my boyfriend.”
“I struggle with homosexuality.”
“I demean and belittle others to make myself feel better.”
So the Spirit has finally decided it’s time for them to bring their sins into the light and deal with them and you are the lucky person who’s been chosen to help them in that process. So what do you do?
Well, to begin with, you can’t simply pass the buck to God and tell them to go off and pray and leave you alone.
I may be getting into dubious theological territory here, but the Bible seems to suggest that we are forgiven when we confess to God, but we can be healed when we confess to another person.
I John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (NIV)
James 5:16: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (NIV)
Regardless of whether we draw a distinction between how forgiveness and healing occur, the Bible is clear that we are called to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another. That means that at times we are called to be on the receiving end of a confession.
Praying for and with the one confessing is of primary importance. You need to encourage them to bring their confession to God in prayer. You should then speak God’s forgiveness over them. Hearing their forgiveness actually verbally expressed by another person can often help a person to receive it.
When you are on that receiving end of confession, don’t try to offer any pat, easy answers, because that is assuredly not what they are looking for. If there was an easy answer, they wouldn’t be coming to you. Their confession is a cry for help. The response they are seeking is “Yes, I will help you,” not “All you need to do is….”
Several years ago, I confessed an area of sin I was struggling with to Eric Hillegas, NCC’s associate pastor at the time. His response was, “I’m not sure what to tell you. Is it okay if I talk to some others to get advice?” That was exactly what I needed to hear. If he had professed to have it all figured out, I probably would have felt even worse at my own inability to figure it out.
Authenticity and transparency are key. So is empathy.
What you need to do is express a willingness to come alongside them and help them get the support they need to deal with their sin. If the sin is beyond something you feel capable of dealing with, connect them with a pastor. Often, though, you can be part of their healing journey.
When I confessed to Eric, he not only sought advice and steered me toward other helpful resources, but he and two other guys he recruited came alongside me to walk with me through a season of very intentional accountability. His affirmation and encouragement was exactly what I needed at that time.
Depending on the sin in question, you may want to direct them toward The River, which NCC will be offering in the spring. The River is a healing/discipleship program for young adults seeking Jesus and his healing in their relationships, identity, and sexuality. If they are trying to find their identity in someone or something other than God, The River may be a good place for them to go. It is also appropriate for those struggling with any area of sexual and relational brokenness (pornography, homosexuality, emotional dependency, promiscuity, deep-seated insecurity, etc.). They can contact ">me or ">Heather if they are interested in information about the program.
Other similar programs offered locally include Living Waters, which is run by Regeneration Ministries beginning each fall, and SALT, a men’s group which is run each summer. More information on The River, Living Waters, and SALT is available on Desert Stream Ministries’ website.
Always remember that your team leader, zone leader(s), and pastors are here as a resource for you. Feel free to seek assistance or simply prayer support as you walk someone through their healing process. Ultimately, you’ll find the experience to be transformational in your own walk with God, as well.
Leave a Reply