The Zone Gathering

Today’s Leadership Lesson is brought to us by Pastor Paul Irwin. This is Part 5 of the Fall Semester Leadership Lesson Series, Repair and Remodeling. We believe that when it comes to making disciples, creating community, and doing ministry, there is always some assembly required. In the spring, we talked about laying a solid foundation. In the summer, we talked about principles of community construction. This semester, we will talk about how to identify and respond to problem areas. Every structure comes to a place where it requires repair and remodeling.

Repair and remodeling require careful skill. Today, we talk about the importance of providing care in your small group.

By Pastor Paul Irwin

“My group is getting bogged down in problems” a small group leader confesses. “Tell me what I can do to show care for people but to keep our group moving in a healthy direction too.”

I’ve been in groups like that, how about you? In fact, I’ve led groups like that!

Let’s look at some obvious ways leaders can facilitate care with group members and then we’ll suggest some “not so obvious” ways to go the extra mile. First of all, set them up to succeed. Most group members come because it is small enough for people to know each other and for everyone to participate. A worthwhile goal of any group called to follow Jesus and His purposes is learning to love one another. We cannot love a person until we first get to know them. Over a period of weeks and months cultivate personal sharing. For the first few meetings allow a larger proportion of your time to be focused on relationship building. Everyone’s story is significant. When we take the time and interest to listen to each person’s story a sense of belonging grows. When we feel “heard” we often feel validated. When we feel validated it leads to feeling cared for.

Closeness and openness can develop if the group is guided in that direction. As the leader, plan time for members to share who they are with the group. You can draw from several approaches to get to know each other.

• Discovery Questions-The right question at the right time in your small group meeting can greatly help people get to feel comfortable sharing with one another. Fun, non-threatening questions can break the ice and set folks at ease in the group. You can pose more serious, personal questions when you sense the group is ready. The key to all questions is to frame them in a concise, open-ended way, asking yourself, “Can everyone in the group answer this question?” In our men’s group we recently asked, “What’s the most adventuresome or risky recreation you’ve ever tried?” Sharing should begin first with the leader, then others in turn.

• In-Depth Story-Telling-It helps me to understand you if I know what makes you the person you are today. To be able to understand your needs I must know you-who you are and what you are becoming. You may want to have small group members take turns each week sharing in-depth parts of their story, focusing on significant relationships, stages and life-shaping events. You as the leader will want to discover where each person is at with the Lord and with respect to family members and friends (You can also do this outside of group meeting time). A time for questions and positive responses by the group to the individual should affirm any close, personal sharing.

• Current Updates-In addition to the in-depth story given once by each participant in the group, you will want to take some time during each meeting to have members share about how things went the previous week. This can include what they have been doing, what has been happening to them, what things the Lord has taught them, what things they have read or heard that glorified God. This may include personal need or spiritual progress. Staying current with each other gives further opportunity to demonstrate care as we ask questions, discuss problems, find encouragement and support each other in prayer.

• Weekly Reports- For a time, you may want to have each person report in on his/her previous week. As the group progresses it will not be necessary for each person to share every week. With growing trust some will come with special problems to share with the group that need special attention. Others will give out more one week and receive more from the group the following week. A natural flow of giving and receiving should be allowed to emerge. Individual gifts and people with similar life experiences can give caring responses to needs that are disclosed. Eventually, the leader will only need to ask a question like, “Who would like to share something significant that occurred to you this week?” and sharing of lives and ministry to one another will flow spontaneously. In this way we can put the Word into practice where it says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.” (Romans 12:15, 16) Look for significant events to celebrate with each person in the group. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, graduations and promotions can be occasions to make members feel special. Our small groups should be parties looking for a place to happen! On the flip-side, our group should be a safe haven to share real struggles in an accepting, supportive environment.

• Affirming Each Other-After discovery questions, story-giving and updates on our lives, we move to affirming one another. This happens when you as a leader and the small group in turn share what you see in each person and why you appreciate them. You care enough to notice something special about each individual. You take the time to tell them so the whole group gets the benefit of listening in. The spiritual qualities and character we see developing in each other can be pointed out on a continual basis. Have the group share the qualities they see in each member which they would like to develop in themselves. Concentrated doses of affirmation can convince a person of their value to God and importance to the group members personally. A beautiful conclusion to a time of affirmation is to have the group pray over the person being affirmed.

In marriage enrichment work we talk about having “safety and structure” in order to attain heart-to-heart understanding. Another way to foster a growing sense of trust and caring is by simply giving guidelines and expectations for effective sharing. Consider the following guidelines to establish a safe but structured way for people to open up to each other and develop caring relationships:

• Focus listening on one person at a time; others attentive to that one; no interruptions when someone is sharing (this shows respect for personhood).
• No coercion. Avoid probing. If someone wishes to “pass” at any time, they may.
• Accept what a person shares-no matter how surprising or disagreeable. Don’t react in a judgmental way, even a report of sin or a different view. Treat personal disclosures as comments from a person on their way to God. Trust God to see what he will do. But don’t let wayward views or behavior entice others to sin.
• Scratch advice-giving. When well intentioned members give advice, re-direct the conversation to get the original speaker out of the search light. Unsolicited advice is seldom very helpful and can be unappreciated.
• Keep the conversation first person. Members should speak from the context of their life with God. Sharing will focus primarily on those in the group, dealing with personal experience. How the Word of God relates to our lives will over-ride abstract, theoretical discussions or any argumentativeness.
• Treat personal sharing in group as “privileged communication” not to be shared with people outside the group. By keeping what is said as confidential to the group the safety level goes up cultivating open and honest sharing and confession.
• Keep interaction edifying and wholesome. Avoid gossip like the plague.

These approaches and guidelines can be modified but will demonstrate your care and leadership in setting your group up for success as a caring community.

An obvious requirement of successful leadership is your consistent preparation for your small group meetings and special events. But there are small, obscure measures that distinguish the most effective small group leaders from the rest. As important as structuring and facilitating group meetings are some behind-the-scenes practices provide caring that “goes the second mile”. After all, how can our group grow as a spiritual community without a growing, spiritual leader?

Putting a few proven actions in motion could radically altar your group life. Joel Comiskey has devoted his life to researching why certain churches and small groups are vibrant and growing. Comiskey found some surprising factors that affect growth. I will touch on only a few.

First, is the leader’s devotional time. A leader spending time with God will have a heart prepared for a small group meeting. He/she can listen for God’s voice and receive guidance. By waiting on God a leader comes to understand how to deal with the chatter box, the jokester, know-it-all and the dominator. He/she will know how to give an apt reply to a question, or how to encourage ministry to a hurting member of their group. If we will spend time alone in God’s presence the Holy Spirit’s agenda will often unfold in the conversation, questions and responses from the group. Preparing the heart for a group meeting is even more important that preparing a lesson. Prepare both but be willing to drop your own plan at the Spirit’s leading.

As we “abide in the vine” (Jesus) He will feed us, guide us and transform us. Jesus said it so poignantly, “apart from me you can do nothing”. Why do we work like it depends on us and then work some more, like it depends on us? Ralph Neighbor Jr. has said, “If you have to make a choice between praying and doing, choose to pray.” The end result is that you will get more done if you pray.

Another factor contributing to care is when small group leaders are intercessors who pray daily for their group members and visitors. In Comiskey’s findings, this had the greatest effect on the growth of a group. When we pray for members in our group we are conveying care. Something powerful happens when we focus on certain people daily in prayer. There is certainly a consistent care that grows and transforms our relationship with group members as we pray for them. Ironically, God uses prayer to change our hearts toward the people we are praying for.

Dedicated leaders may try a spiritual experiment to fast and pray the day of their small group meeting. Some may fast the whole day or a day before the meeting. Others find it useful to skip one meal. Some fast during day light hours.

Although God’s purposes are unleashed through prayer leaders can also show care through follow-up and contact with group members. Many times it is the phone call or card or brief visit between group meetings that bolsters a group members sense of belonging and value to their small group community.

God has called us out of isolation and lovingly placed us in a new community of believers. Each small group is distinct in its expression of Christ’s care to the world.

In your leadership give care to setting your group up to succeed by sharing at a caring level. Since you are already giving of yourself, why don’t you consider going the extra mile? What would happen if you laid down your life for the sake of precious people Christ gave his all for? They might see Jesus in you and cause a chain reaction of change. Your group may never be the same. You may never be the same!

Reference:
Joel Comiskey, Home Cell Group Explosion. (Houston, TX : Touch Publications, 1998) pp. 26, 27, 34.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 18th, 2007 at 3:00 pm and is filed under Leadership Lessons, Repair/Remodeling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.