The Zone Gathering

This is Part 4 of the Fall Semester Leadership Lesson Series, Repair and Remodeling. We believe that when it comes to making disciples, creating community, and doing ministry, there is always some assembly required. In the spring, we talked about laying a solid foundation. In the summer, we talked about principles of community construction. This semester, we will talk about how to identify and respond to problem areas. Every structure comes to a place where it requires repair and remodeling.

Repair and remodeling require careful skill. Today, we talk about the importance of navigating problems in your small group.

Two weeks ago, we talked about the importance of periodically evaluating your group and your leadership. I mentioned that we were getting a house inspection for our descent-to-the-depths-of-debt house purchase. We received the home inspection report and found that there were a number of problems that would require some repair before we move into the new house, and we are now in the process of conducting the navigation dance with the sellers and their agent.

Do you ever wish you could just put your group on the market and let some new leader deal with the problems? If you’ve never felt this way, then you probably haven’t been leading for very long. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “Problems? What problems?,” then strap yourself in because this could be a bumpy ride.

If you lead a group, you will encounter problems. There’s no way around it. When you deal with people, it gets messy. The problems could range from the fairly benign (people won’t talk in my group) to the very serious (someone has threatened suicide). Please don’t take this stuff lightly– we’ve already navigated two threats of suicide in groups this semester alone. This isn’t to scare you; it’s to equip you.

When faced with a problem, it’s important to 1) identify the type and severity of the problem, and 2) know the next course of action. That’s the purpose of the post today.

Level 1 Problems

Level 1 Problems are the ones that will be encountered in every group at some point. Examples include the following:

• People will not engage in discussion in group.
• People shy away from praying aloud in group.
• Someone repeatedly skips down rabbit trails and takes the whole group on the journey.
• Prayer requests are shallow.
• EGRs (Extra Grace Requireds)- these people tend to be a bit more needy, need more prayer, need more encouragement, need more of you.

These are typical group issues and you will face them at some point if you haven’t already. Here are some steps for addressing these types of issues:

• Pray. Don’t use prayer as a last resort; stay on the offense with prayer.
• Address the issue first with the person individually. Be natural and seek to understand from their perspective. Make “observations” and not accusations. For instance, “I’ve noticed that you don’t comment much in the discussion. Is there something we can do to make it easier for you to engage the topic?”
• Be creative. This is especially helpful for the person skipping down rabbit trails. Come up with a time limit, a hand signal, or some other means to help them stay on track. You can actually make this fun and not burdensome.
• Be patient. None of these problems will kill your group, and taking the time to allow them to develop naturally will create a culture where community can emerge.
• Talk to your team leader or zone leader for creative ideas.

Level 2 Problems

Level 2 Problems will also occur in your group if you stay together long enough and allow community to emerge. Here are some examples:

• Someone in the group monopolizes the conversation or takes on an authoritative or self-righteous tone.
• Someone in the group constantly causes division or makes divisive comments.
• “Discussions” (read: fights, arguments, conflict) erupt in your group.
• Conversations and relationships remain shallow and surface. “Pseudo-community.”
• Gossip runs rampant.
• Chronic complainers, negative talk and attitudes emerge.
• Someone in your group needs to be confronted with a sin.

These problems require a little more skill and a bit of confidence. Here are some ideas:

• Pray. Again, get out of the defensive posture and attack from an offensive position.
• Don’t ignore the issue. You know there’s a problem and it’s likely that everyone else in the group knows there’s a problem. Ignoring problems never makes them go away.
• If the problem lies primarily with one individual, approach that person first. Again, make observations and not accusations. Seek to understand them. Pray with them when you talk them.
• If the individual is unresponsive or unrepentant, implement the Biblical method for conflict resolution: Matthew 18:15-20. Get a co-leader, team leader, or zone leader involved in the process.
• If it happens in group, process it in group. Don’t ignore that the tensions exist or that the community is staying at a surface level. Address the topics within the group setting.
• If a problem persists, it may be necessary to ask a person to leave the group.
• Talk to your team leader and/or zone leader for ideas, prayer, and encouragement.

Level 3 Problems

Some unfortunate leaders encounter Level 3 problems during their first week of leadership. Others lead for years before encountering one. These are problems that you are not equipped or expected to handle on your own and lie outside the scope of small group leader responsibilities. Examples include the following:

• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Repeated offensive activity in the group
• Inappropriate relational and/or sexual behavior with group members
• Repeated divisiveness
• Suicidal tendencies and/or threats
• Eating disorders
• Divorce
• Mental and emotional instability

Here are the action steps:

• Pray and get others (fellow leaders in your team or zone, your co-leader, accountability partners, pastors, etc) to pray for you
• Notify your team leader and/or zone leader immediately. Be sensitive in whom you tell. If it’s a big problem, you may need to send it all the way up the chain to a member of the pastoral team immediately.
• If the person thinks they have told you something in confidence, inform them that you are obligated, as a leader of NCC, to let a member of the leadership or pastoral team know about the issue.
• Your team leader, zone leader, or a member of the pastoral team will work with you to develop an appropriate plan of action or plan of care.

Don’t submit your letters of resignation yet! Working with people is tough because people are broken. That means that our groups will break every now and then, and the most important thing is to know how to fix that break. Always lean on your team leaders and zone leaders to help you navigate these things.

I will end with a quote from community guru John Ortberg: “People who love authentic community always prefer the pain of temporary chaos to the peace of permanent superficiality.” Good stuff.

If you would like to read further on this issue, check out the following resources:

“Fix My Small Group” article

Why Didn’t You Warn Me? blog

Why Didn’t You Warn Me (Pat Sikora)

Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them (John Ortberg)

Leading Life Changing Small Groups (Chapter 5- Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson)

**If you are an NCC small group leader and would like a copy of any of these resources, please shoot me an email and we’ll get you hooked up!

Use the comment thread to share your own experiences navigating problems, to ask questions about current problems you are facing, or to share with others good ideas or encouragement for dealing with these issues.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 11th, 2007 at 11:13 am and is filed under Leadership Lessons, Repair/Remodeling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.